2 years is a long time not to post. And to think I once had
aspirations to be a blogger ;) too much has happed in 2 years to even try and
cover so I won’t. If you know me, you know what has gone on and if you don’t-
well you probably aren’t reading this so it won’t matter anyway.
skidamirink is starting 2nd grade in exactly one
week. This is insane. She won’t stop growing up! I asked her to, but she told
me she’s too excited to be a teenager (say what?!) and so she can’t stop. We
recently finished the 2nd Harry Potter book and are working our way
through the 3rd. She wants to watch the movies, but I told her we
have to finish the books first. There isn’t too much that is more important
than teaching her that THE BOOK IS ALWAYS BETTER! J
I’m living back at my parents. Back. At. My. Parents. At 31…
and alone (as in no DH with me). DH is 150miles away, 3 hours by car and a
lifetime by feeling. This year is humbling me beyond belief. This year is
teaching me to draw so very close to my God and savior and to learn more about
myself and Him. I am not innocent in my move back to my parents. I know the
standard. I know the implications.
I know. . . I know. . . I know. . . how can I not? No one
will let me forget
The Bible tells us that God does not give us more than we
can handle. That he will use our trials and circumstances to refine us and
purify us. What it alludes to, but fails to explain clearly is the pain that
the refining process has on you. This. Is. Not. Easy. I have NO idea what he is
wanting to teach me through this. I wanted to be a Proverbs 31 woman- I wanted
to be a Godly wife and mother. I wanted to bring joy to my husband and love to
his life. I failed. I know that. My attitude was crap and my focus was blurred—I
was selfish and nearsighted. I got lost. But I was in seemingly uncharted territory.
No one I knew had gone through what I was going through. People don’t talk
about this type of thing! Why not!? Why are people in the church so silent on
matters that are most important! These struggles that we all supposedly go
through should not be fully private matters! When we see another struggling, we
should be reaching out to them saying yes I went through this and I will walk
with you and help you and encourage you—you can get through this—God will help
you. Instead everyone seems silent until it’s too late. Only now do I know that
people I know have dealt with similar issues. But now I’ve left. I’m back at my
parents. Separated by a state and enough hurt and resentment to last a
lifetime. I don’t know how to get it back- but I’m trying. I’m trying to be the
woman God wants me to me and to trust that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS He is in
control and He will use all of this for his glory and his good.
God hold me up- keep my focused on your goodness, your love
and your promises. You have plans for not only my life, by skidamirinks and DH’s
as well. You know what’s going to happen and you know how it’s all going to fit
in to your plan. Help me in the days ahead—to hold my tongue, to focus on you,
to lift up praises to you even when I feel like crying, to let my words be
seasoned with salt, to point others to you through all that I do.
Once I again I find myself grasping for God- using him to
steady my walk and to mold me into who he wants me to be. Please God, don’t let
me fall.
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