So I have a kindergartner. I have a kindergartner. I have a kindergartner.
I keep thinking if I say it over and over it will finally sink in. The once tiny 7lb 4oz baby girl that would only sleep on my chest, that loved pickle juice more than baby food, that has amazed my and inspired me in so many ways, is on her way to kindergarten tomorrow! I keep telling myself that I am ready that I can handle this. After all, it's not like skid-a-mir-ink is the first kid to go to school. It's not like I'm traversing new land and meeting new and foreign customs here. But despite having had all of her school supplies for months, having her backpack ready and by the door, her clothes laid out for the morning, her lunches planned for the next two weeks (yes I said 2)…… I still feel overwhelmed and under-prepared. My DH keeps telling me I'm over-reacting. And I am. I know this. This is not news to me. I know that I tend to get swept up in my emotions, especially when they concern my baby girl.
That being said, I'm trying to play the cool mom here and not let her know that inside I'm FREAKING OUT. After all she know what bus she's riding, her teachers name and that this will be an adventure. Maybe it's not so much that she is going to school that bothers me but that it means, I too, am getting older. I'm not so sure I'm getting wiser…but that's another worry.
I moved back home to my parents five and a half years ago with a pink little bundle of joy all wrapped in blue (I hate pink) and being scared out of my mind having no clue what I was doing. Now it seems that I sneezed and woke up in the future. My baby is 5. My baby gets dressed, makes her own breakfast, showers and buckles herself in the car without help (all of this is wonderful, don't get me wrong. It's just that…even at 5 she doesn't rely on me like she used to, and that saddens me a little).
My baby is going to school.
I have so many hopes and dreams for her. I want to force nothing on her. I want her to learn and be creative and crave knowledge. I want her to be well rounded and know God and have solid friendships. I want her to be honest and kind-hearted and loving to everyone she meets. My heart aches knowing that she will struggle in school. That not all of the kids will want to be her friend and not all of this kids will think she's smart/funny/cute/stylish/kind etc. And I KNOW that is OKAY. But she does not. Even at 5 she seeks approval, as all kids do, I believe. She wants to fit in and she wants friends, and I want those things too. But how do you teach them that there is more to the school experience that friends and being "cool"? Even at 5….
So my dear sweet baby girl….it's hard to believe that you are going to school already…. but please know this
You are smart……………………….…even when you don't know the answer
You are kind……………………….….even when someone makes you angry
You are funny………………………...even when no one laughs at your joke
You are brave………………………....even when you feel scared
You are unique…………………….….even though you are in uniform
You are cherished……………………..even if someone forgets your name
You are beloved…………………….…even if you are teased
You are assertive……………………....even when you have to obey
You are holy…………………………...even as the devil tempts you away
You are strong………………………....even when you feel like you cannot succeed
You are my sunshine…………………..even if you've had a bad day
You are known….. …………………....even if no one seems to understand you
You are the daughter of a great king…...even in this fallen world
And I love you more than you will ever know
And please remember that as I cry tomorrow, on your FIRST day of school, it is not because I am sad, but because I am so very hopeful at what you will achieve and who you will become. I love you skid-a-mir-ink and I pray that you will always find your hope in God and your trust in Him.
Let's do this!
