5 Down 7 To Go!

What a whirl wind month May is turning out to be! I think I say something like that every month, but it is just so true. Each month I think, well things can't get much crazier than this! and then low and behold, they do!

So my 5th new thing to do this year I sadly do not have any photos of. :( What is it? Well I joined I softball league! Our first game was a few weeks ago (I missed the 2nd) and we just played our 3rd game which led to our first win! Hooray! An old high school friend of mine asked me to join the league. They have been playing for a while, but this year they needed another girl, so after a little thinking, I agreed. I have not played softball in over 5 years (and that was once) and before that I only played in elementary school! I told them I would play, but that I'm not very good :-/  Good thing for me, they play to have fun. And fun it has been! Although it's pointing out to me just how out of shape I am, I'm having fun. I can still hit the ball, although not very far and for some reason I seem to like to hit the ball right up the first base line.....not a very good way to get on base! I also have taken on the role of playing in right field...because less balls come over that way! haha Over all I'm having fun. The league only goes through July but it's a fun break and something to do once a week. I'm finding myself looking forward to Friday night games.


So what else has been going on? Skidamirink got signed up for dance classes! I'm so excited to see her dance! Her classes do not start until next month, but she is getting excited. I have fully recovered from her haircut. It is just hair after all and as she informed me, "a princess can have short hair." She has been enjoying her time with Grammy, even more so now that Grammy has a fun new Ipad to play with. I do have to say, that watching Athia play with the Ipad is facinating. She is learning her way around the Ipad faster than my Mother! I have instituted a new rule though, she is not allowed to play on the Ipad and watch TV at the same time. I know that the younger generations are supposed to be excellent multi-taskers and I do believe that the day and age they are living in is attributing to that, however I do want skidamirink to be able to actually focus on something! If she constantly has a million things coming at her, how will she learn to do that? So...one social media tool at a time, at least for now.

I'm not sure if I have mentioned this yet, I do not think I have...BUT another new thing for my 2012 year is that I joined Toastmasters! It's pretty amazing and I am becoming more confident in my speaking already. I joined about a month and a half a go and have already given 3 speeches. I love the confidence that it is giving me. It's true as well, now that I am forced to pay close attention to peoples "ah's and um's" while they give their speeches, I can't help but notice it in every day life as well! I find myself getting frustrated with people what use them excessively. I also notice that I self monitor a lot more to try to keep myself from saying them.

12:2 youth group has ended for the "season." I am so thankful for the kids I got to work with and all that they have taught me. I love to see them love Jesus, to wrestle with the trials and big questions of God and beliefs. They are growing every day and it is amazing to be a part of that. To help them where God enables me, to learn from them in the wisdom they have already acquired. I pray that they will always remember to "not let the world look down on you because you are young." They too have a voice, and they too can help teach and draw other closer to God. Along those lines, the Bible reading every day and been....almost non-existant. Not that I'm not not reading, but I lost the paper that had my schedule on it and do you think I can replicate the google search I initially had to find that same schedule?! No. So...I'm working on it. Right now I really want to find a good devotional to get into. . . So any suggestions on that front would be most appreciated.


Last update here as I'm getting long winded and I realize that this post has no photos....

JD and I are no more. He decided that we were not meant to be and decided to end things. I'm leaning on God through it all, as I just watched what I thought was my future dissolve before my watery eyes. I know that God must have something amazing in store for me, because the future I was envisioning up until a few days a go, was pretty stellar. And I know that nothing I can come up with can even come close to what God has in store for me. The worst part about the whole thing, is the feeling....the inability to fall apart. JD was not my "world" and that's a good thing, but I love him and when I got home that night all I wanted to do was cry my eyes out. This was totally a possibility when I was 18 and in fact I did do it when I was 18. I was allowed to bawl and crawl into bed stay there for as long as I wanted and no one cared because I was hurting. This is not the case anymore. As I have learned, having a child does not allow one to simply fall apart. I can't wallow and crawl into bed and morn the loss of the previously dreamed future because life goes on. And for a three year old, life goes on right now!  She doesn't understand that Mommy's heart is broken and she wants to stay in bed. I have to get up. I have to put her to bed, read her a story, make sure her teeth are brushed; and in the morning I have to feed her and clothe her and clean the house and her and make sure she is getting everything she needs from me. That's all that matters. Maybe it's a good thing. What good is accomplished by lying in bed crying for a day or two or three? Other than an "emotional release" I don't know what else. So perhaps the fact that she gets me up early in the morning coupled with the fact that I try my hardest not to let her see me cry (good or bad, I don't know yet...) I just have to keep moving. I double over, grasp for God, find Him, steady myself, take a breath and stand up again. I don't see another option.

So what are we doing the rainy Memorial Day weekend? I am blogging (obviously) Skidamirink is playing Angry Birds and apologizing to eh birds as she launches them into the air (haha). The laundry is in the washer, and when I'm done here the house needs to be cleaned, lunch needs to be made and naps need to be taken. Would I rather sit around and wallow? Part of me says yes. I find I randomly let me guard down and my eyes fill with tears, but Skidamirink is hungry and there's no time for tears. So...I trust. I trust that God is there, I trust that He is in control and and He is handling this situation. Thanks to a good friend, the Psalms are getting me through. God is my rock and my salvation. Nothing can shake me in Him and by extension me. My God is greater...and nothing is impossible for Him.